I love the gift I have been given in life as Skyler and Hailey’s mom. Honestly, I can’t think of anything else I would trade this experience for. They are made for me just as I am made for them. They give me far more in life than I could ever attempt to give them. The crazy way that they do or say just the right thing at just the right moment without even knowing that they just restored something inside of me that was close to losing in an internal battle within myself. There is no other way to describe it aside from the miracle it truly is.
Watching these amazing creations of mine grow from the adorable little baby they once were not that long ago it seems to the almost adult individuals ready to venture out into the world on their own is scary and exciting and proud all at the same time.
So much of the time I have absolutely no idea what II am doing and worry that I am messing it up or making some crucial mistake, but I know that there is nothing else I would rather be doing and that nobody on this earth could ever love them or raise them the way that I do.
I realize that this is a fairly normal feeling that most parents have within them that almost seems to be a core pillar in the foundation of the gift of creating and raising miniature living, breathing, unique individuals that literally are made from pieces of you. It is the most humbling, gratifying, and amazing experience you can not compare to anything else.
The other side of that however is the part that provides us the appreciation for the good times and the ability to choose our actions and remain strong in our faith that we will be ok and that everything will work out. Maybe not the way we want or the way we had hoped, but everything always has a way of coming together exactly the way they were supposed to and we just have to readjust ourselves to follow suit.
All that said, I will be completely honest here and admit that my daughter’s accident on June 30th, 2022 changed the core of her soul and existence and mine as well. It rocked every part of everything we knew and believed in and neither one of us have been able to find any sense of knowing or believing in the goodness of anything since that day.
I can see the shadows that she tries so hard to hide in her eyes that linger right there at the edges and I am terrified that in her attempts at hiding them from me and pretending to be ok it will actually be the thing that destroys her and I can’t even imagine what that would entail for her after that happens.
I understand that this is the moment of truth right here and that this is the very thing that will show my babygirl’s character as a result. I also realize that in the process of being shaped into a pearl that grain of sand has to go thru quite a bit of pressure and unfamiliar pain and unknown that I assume can be lonely and scary and that within those emotions there is also anger, rebellion, terror, fear, and an entire tornado of emotions that are swirling within fighting to survive. It kills me to have to watch her struggle and be unable to take this from her. It s unbearable not knowing what to do or say that will bring her relief and return even a hint of sunshine back into her beautiful eyes.
I ask every single one of those out there reading this to please take a few minutes before moving on with your day and send me just a few words of wisdom, hope or advise for my Babyboo and for me, to help us get thru this difficult phase of our life. We need to hear options for coping skills and survival tequniques that might help us thru this trauma.
My baby might not ever regain the use of her right arm and nearly 6 months after the accident, a team of surgeons are still puzzled as to how they are going to fix my baby’s arm. I refuse to allow them to amputate without exhausting all possible fixes first. She will not be lost as one more case that is pushed along their desk. And above all, regardless of the outcome need her to find a way back into the sunshine and be my baby girl once again with or without her arm. But should that spark of her that is the source of her magic and the fuel that keeps my heart beating be smothered with the weight and burden of this tragedy, Boo and I will not survive. Please help us find the skills we need to win this battle like the warriors I know we can be. Thank you in advance!
Bromom 